Sunday, December 31, 2017

Final Presentation

     "Hello and welcome everybody. Now I know it's been a long semester and I'm the last presenter. So I'll try not to make this shit to painful. Oops! Oh shit sorry. Wait no sorry about that last one too," you look over at your unimpressed professor who's sitting in the back of the classroom. "I'm going to fail aren't I?" The professor just sits in the back of the room silently laughing to herself waving for you to continue. You dip underneath the closed lectern to grab something. As you grab it, it slips out of your hand. You begin to curse it to the high heavens for dropping as you slowly come up. Your classmates are all giggling at you like a bunch of school girls. "This my fellow classmates is a rare preciouses stone." You hold the stone up like it's Simba. "This pre-cio-use stone has been in my family for the past," you pause for dramatic build up, "TWO HOURS," you proudly announce,  "since I grabbed it out of my garden this morning." Your classmates begin to laugh not being able to contain themselves from your foolishness. While your professor sits in the back of the class room with a dumbfounded look on her face. You begin to examine the rock and notice a blood stain on it. You hold up one finger to settle down your classmates. "I truly most apologize everyone. It seems I have given you the wrong biography about this stone." You ease your way to the document camera and zoom in on the stain. "As you can see there is a dark blood stain on this stone," you try to point out the stain but end up covering more than half of it, "this stain can be dated back to six months ago. When I came home quit discombobulated," your class mates chuckle at your clever choice of words. "From a..." you stumble looking for the right words to say, "a not frat party," you shrug your shoulders trying your hardest not to discredit yourself. "Anyway as I was coming in my house I lost my footing slipped and fell on this rock," you pull up your sleeve to show everyone your scar. "As you can see the rock got a couple of good licks in but in the end I was the one that walked away," you shoot a dirty look at the rock. "Well that's all I have for you all today. Does anyone have any questions?" The whole classroom is silent you look it over to make sure you don't miss anyone. Every face you pass has the same look. Eyes wide open and the mouth slightly ajar. The only person that doesn't have this look is your very very pissed professor. At the end of class your professor hands the grades back. You sit there at your desk with a big grin on your face. Your professor approaches you giving you the death stare. You flash your pearly white back at her. She drops the paper face down and quickly walks away. As you're leaving the class room you flip over the paper to check your grade.

Wednesday, December 20, 2017

The Box Part 1

     "So how did you get stuck with Archie anyway?" Arnold asked Cappuccino.
     Cappuccino finished off of a bottle of spirits and put her head down in shame. "He made me an offer I just could not refuse."
     "Is that why your apartment is the hide out spot?" he asked.
     "Yup, oh and he brought the building," she explained.
     "I see."
*BOOM* Cappuccino and Arnold both jumped up from where they were sitting to see what was going on.
     "Oh shit," Archer mumbled as he hauled a colossal box in the apartment.
     "Oh hell no what is this?" Cappuccino demanded an answer.
     "Arnie I thought you said you were going to talk to her," Archer looked at his frozen friend.
     "Umm," Arnold couldn't find any words. Archer continued dragging the box through the apartment until he reached the living room. Then he grabbed Cappuccino's hand and sit her down on the couch.
     "My apartment isn't a storage locker Archie," Cappuccino blurted out.
     "No it is not, but from the smell of this place it could be a bar."
     Cappuccino left the bar comment alone and refocused her attention back on the box. "What's in the box?"
     "Open your mouth Cappuccino," Archer said as he slowly crept towards her.
     "Why?"
     "Just do it."
     "No, open the box!"
     "No!"
     "What's going on?" Arnold interrupted.
     "Arnie," Archer looked his way, "you've been here for some time. At any point of you being here did Ms. Jones have a drink?" Cappuccino glared into Arnolds soul. Arnold unsettled by the look slowly mouthed the words no. A smile slowly appeared on Cappuccinos face. "Your eyes are telling me yes but your mouth is saying no. So which one is it?"
     "Why does it even matter she's a grown women," Archer ran over to Cappuccino and covered her ears.
     "No Arnie, we don't say that around here," Archer told him. Cappuccino pushed him off of her tired of his shit.
    "Anyway," Arnold said shaking his head like an etcher sketch trying to forget what just happened, "did you bring everything I asked for?"
     "Yes siry, Cappuccino do you have any scissors?" Archer asked with a foolish smirk on his face. Cappuccino left the living room in search of some scissors. "Psst, hey Arnie?" Acher whispered.
     "What now Archie?" he whispered back.
     "Was she though?"
     "Was she what?"
     "You know," Archer starting pretending he was drinking a bottle.
     "I CAN HEAR YOU!" Cappuccino yelled from another room.
     "I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!" Archer shouted back.

Monday, December 18, 2017

Getting the Team Together

     "Do you Arnold Steph Harrington take this women to be your lawfully wedded wife?"
     "Hold up, your middle name is Steph?" the bride asked him.
     "Honey that's really not important right now is it?" the groom asked.
     "Um yeah it is. It's like really important. I don't care if you saved the world three times over. I can't marry a man who's middle name is Steph. It's bad enough I agreed to the whole Harrington thing, but Steph! I'm sorry but I can't do this," the bride took off her veil and threw both it and the bouquet at the priest, "Here you go use it for someone else."
     "But Honey please wait don't do this. It's just a middle name!"
     "Yeah a middle name that sucks!" she shouted half way down the aisle headed for the double doors.
     Arnold turned and looked at the priest. The priest had no idea what to do he just stood there and shrugged his shoulders in disbelief. In the front row his mother was clutching dramatically onto her chest. On the left of her, her third husband was asleep. On the other side of the church the brides family were slowly creeping out the back giggling as they were leaving. The only person left was the brides father. He got up from his seat and walked up to the alter. He planted himself in front of Arnold and put one hand on his shoulder.
     "I can't believe I broke out of the mental hospital for this shit," he took his hand off the grooms shoulder and walked out the church.
**********************************************************************************
     "I'm so sorry bro."
     "Man you dodged a bullet. Her family was crazy. Remember the time you offered to watch her baby cousin and the little bastard set your laptop on fire.....and the kid was only two. He could barley walk. Geezz."
     "Do you guys need anything?" the waitress asked.
     "No thank you," Arnold replied.
     "Scratch that, miss we're going to need a round of shots for the whole table. Please and thank you."
     "None for me," Cappuccino told the waitress on the side.
     "Same here," Archer added.
     "Tonight boys...nay MEN..and women," the guy winked at Cappuccino, "WE DRINK!"
     "Calm down Thomas," Arnold pulled his tipsy friend off the booth seat.
     "Hey Arnold do you think we can talk to you somewhere private?" Arnold shook his head and got up in search for an empty booth away from his drunken comrades. Archer and Cappuccino followed him into the booth of his choice. "Can I first start by saying I am truly sorry for..."
     "Cut the crap Archie. What do you want?" Arnold asked his long lost friend.
     "Nice to see I'm not the only one that calls him Archie," Cappuccino chimed in smirking at Archer.
     "And you are?" Arnold asked Cappuccino.
     "Apparently I'm one of Archies 'friends'," Cappuccino refused to disclose any information about herself.
     "You most be because he doesn't just let anyone call him Archie," Arnold shot a look at his now mute friend. "Archie what the hell are you doing here?"
     "Shh," Archer replied.
     "Did he just shh me?" Arnold asked Cappuccino. Before she could respond Archer put his finger over her lips and shhhed her too. "Did he just shh you? Archie what the hell is wrong with you?"
     Across the bar there were two shady looking men. Archer had noticed them as they came in.Neither of them had ordered anything yet and they made a sizable fuss about having to sit in the back corner booth. Also every time the waitress went to check on them they would wave her off before she could get a word out.
     "Archie you have one more time to,"
     "Shh," Archer took his other hand and held hid finger up to his friends lips. Cappuccino who was now tired of Archers nonsense bit his finger causing him to pull back both of his hands. "What'd you do that for?" Cappuccino pointed over at an irritated Arnold. "Hey mate."
     "Archie what the hell are you here? Why were you at my flop of a wedding?," Arnold noticed his friends attention was else where, "and why are you so interested in the Queens men?" Arnold had grabbed Archers attention and caused him to turn to him.
     "Who's that?"
     "The two shady guys sitting in the back corner that you haven't taken your eyes off of. They are just two of The Queens men."
     "Arnie have I introduced you to my lovely partner Cappuccino Jones," Archer directed the attention to a half annoyed half ticked Cappuccino.
     "Yes, we have already gotten acquainted," Arnold told him.
     "Good, good...on another note have you ever heard of someone called The Rabbit?"

Sunday, December 17, 2017

S:1 E:1 Part ?

     "Sir, there's a Ms. jones asking for you," Debbie paged into Archer's office.


      Meanwhile Archer is perched on top of an office dresser in a dark corner. "Let her in Deborah we have much to discuss,"


     "Yes sir," she replied.


      Archer clapped his hands twice and the room went dark. The office door slowly crept open. Archer watched as Jones walked into the dark office.


     "What the hell is this," Jones whispered to herself.


     "WELCOME!" Archers voice echoed around the office, "THANK YOU FOR COMING."


     "What the hell is going on Archie?" she asked.


     "This is your first test. You most locate me without the use of any lights," he slowly climbed off the dresser, and crept across the room trying his hardest not to be seen or heard.


     "Your letter said you wanted to talk about something. I hope you're apologizing for that shit you pulled on my birthday," Jones eyes started to adjust to the dark as she went deeper into the office.


     "And why would I do that," he snuck his way over to the door.


     "Because..." she couldn't find a reason.


     "Aha," he teased.


     "Just apologize," she snapped.


     "I'll think about it but until then. Where do you think I am," he taunted her. Jones was eighty percent sure his voice was coming from behind her but then again it could of been an echo. *CLICK* Archer had locked the door and swiftly moved to the windows.


     "You're at the door," Jones spouted out.


     "Try again," he said from the window.
   
     "How about I do you one better? Open up the curtains to let some light it since you're already there and I'll show you where you were perched at, at the start of test," Archer was astonished he pulled the curtains open and the sunlight lit up the office.


     "You have past the first test my little grasshopper," he bowed to her.


     "Why did you summon me here?" she asked.


    "Have you ever heard of The Rabbit?"

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